


New Sensation

by RensKnight18



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Accident, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anger, Angst, Anniversary, Blow Jobs, F/M, Fighting, Frustration, Incomplete Spinal Cord Injury, Loss Of Sensation, Modern Era, Partial paralysis, Reylo - Freeform, Things Are Said, wheelchair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:13:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensKnight18/pseuds/RensKnight18
Summary: It started as a bit of fun, just another summer’s day at the lake with his mates and not a care in the world. The honeymoon well behind them and Rey working away, it was a boys’ weekend a long time in the making but one that would change Ben Solo’s life forever.OR The nine blowjobs Ben can't feel and the one he can.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 13
Kudos: 110





	New Sensation

_Cry baby cry_

_When you got to get it out_

_I'll be your shoulder_

_You can tell me all_

_Don't keep it in ya_

_Well that's the reason why I'm here_

INXS 'New Sensation'  
<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iV-QGQVZv0k>

Life is somewhat easier these days, but in the quiet his mind flashes way back to the worst fight they ever had.

Married 2 1/2 years and with Ben 2 weeks out of hospital they should’ve had the world at their feet.

But he’d yelled.

He hadn’t meant to, but everything had been building and it was bound to explode eventually.

It makes him shudder to even think about it, but it happened. He’d said mean things-

 _Awful_ things-

 _Horrible_ and _hurtful_ things.

And Rey had held her ground, the way she constantly did, always the calming voice.

His constant voice of reason.

~~~  
  


** (the fight) **

‘I can’t fucking _do this_ anymore _!_ ’

What started as a normal breakfast had quickly turned explosive.

It wasn’t unusual for Ben to get frustrated, but he hadn’t been sleeping so that only exacerbated the situation. The store was out of his favourite cereal, his favourite shirt was still in the clothes hamper waiting to be washed and overall he was tired, exhausted and frankly fed up.

Not that any of this was Rey’s fault, but life just wasn’t fair.

His other mates had jumped the same way on the same day and they’d come up fine - no life-changing injuries for them and no possibility of life spent in a wheelchair, so why _him?_

What had he done in a previous life (not that he even believes in previous lives) to deserve this _?_

‘Ben, it’s fine. How about I make some eggs or something instead?’

He’d pushed the bowl of cereal off the table, bowl cracking and contents spilling all over the tiled floor. It was something a tantrum-throwing child would do, but that’s exactly how he felt.

Frustrated.

_Furious._

‘I don't want eggs, I want my fucking _life back!_ ’

Rey had picked up the discarded bowl of cereal and milk with a sigh, remaining calm as always.

He had no idea how she did it. Even when she was angry, he hardly ever knew about it. She was always so calm, measured and quiet. And as much as he usually loved it, at this particular point in his life it was driving him totally crazy.

Life lately _sucked balls_ so why the hell wasn’t she mad about it _?!_

‘I don’t even know why you’re still here’

He’d muttered the words in anger knowing full well she was within earshot. Maybe he hoped to provoke something? Make her angry? Have her explode the same way to make him feel better?

Whatever the reason, if she heard him she’d ignored it.

‘Well, _I_ feel like eggs so I’ll pop some on and if you want some you can have some. I really don’t care’

Wow. That was probably the most hurtful thing she’d ever said to him and that was really saying something. He’d wheeled closer to the kitchen bench, watching her prepare food like nothing in their lives had changed.

But _everything_ had changed.

‘Well?’ he’d countered, running a frustrated hand through his hair. It was getting long and in his eyes and he really needed a haircut, but going anywhere in a chair was a test of his patience. ‘Why _are_ you still here?’

She’d turned from what she was doing, brow furrowed. She hadn’t said anything, simply eyeing him.

‘I’m serious’

‘I know you are’

‘ _Well?_ You could have any man you want, Rey. One that can walk. And dress himself without having to rely on you to help. Maybe he could even shower himself? Think about that’

Silence.

But he still wasn’t done.

‘So, why don’t you just go? I’m giving you permission to leave if you want’

‘I’m not going anywhere’

She’d said it so quietly, but with true sincerity, all the time maintaining her cool.

He hated it.

‘We should be moving into our new house right about now, but hey I put an end to that, didn’t I? With my fucking medical bills and our huge fucking debt. Who knows how long we’ll be stuck in this apartment now? Honestly, at this point I wouldn’t even blame you if you divorced me for another guy’

She’d frowned, although it certainly wasn’t the first time she’d heard him say that since the accident.

‘You could have any man you want. One that can take you on dates or…walks, to the movies without that special seating area reserved for losers like me who can’t use their own fucking legs’

Still she said nothing.

Not a word.

‘One that can even I dunno, go to the fucking _store on a whim_ to buy you flowers if he wanted to’

Ben noticed at that point how much he swore since the accident. It wasn’t unusual for him to swear prior, but since then every sentence seemed to contain one. Out of frustration, mainly.

She’d opened her mouth to say something at this point, but _still_ she’d stayed silent. Then, sighing, she’d turned off the pan and just…walked out of the kitchen.

So of course he’d followed her down the hall to the laundry room, waiting just inside the door as he watched her fill the washing machine with dirty clothes.

Maybe she went in there to avoid him, but he wasn’t going to let her get away that easy. If he had to face this, then so did she.

‘I bet you’ve thought about it though? Divorcing me. And I can’t say I blame you. You always wanted kids and we probably can’t have kids now, so there’s another reason to leave. And I get it, I do. I won’t hate you if you go’

Ben wanted kids too, more than anything, so it hurt him to say it. They still _could_ have their own kids through other means even if they couldn’t conceive naturally, but facts go out the window when you’re angry.

At this point, everything bubbling below the surface totally erupted.

‘ _Why are you doing this?!_ ’

This finally caught her attention and she’d turned to look at him once more, washing machine rattling away in the background.

Maybe it was the pain in his voice or the fact he’d been close to tears? Whatever it was, she was finally listening and maybe that’s all he ever really wanted?

For his fears to be heard.

For someone to actually _try_ and understand.

‘Why am I doing what?’

‘Sticking _by me_ like this?? You could have _anyone_! This fucking sucks, Rey! I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go to _work_ and I’m sick of being stuck in this apartment. I can’t go the _gym,_ I can’t hang out with my _mates_. And as much as it kills me to say it, I can’t even satisfy you in bed anymore. You need to leave. Find someone you can have a normal life with’

No reply, Ben fighting to keep the tears from overflowing. He hardly ever cried, but he could feel it brewing.

‘I don’t get why you can’t _see that_? I don’t understand _why you’re still here!_ ’

He’d heard the sniffling before he’d seen the tears, but when she’d moved from her spot by the machine to come and squat down in front of him, it was clear.

Tears streamed down her face. Down her pretty cheeks, a few spilling onto his leg.

He hated seeing her cry.

And he felt instantly awful. He desperately wanted to take back all the hurtful things he’d said and start over, but it was probably too late for that.

'Do you think I _like_ seeing you this way? Well, I don't. I hate it! I miss the old you, yes, but this is our life now, Ben. So you can get angry, you can yell, scream, _whatever_ but...'

It was a long, slow breath out and then that voice of reason once more.

‘You really want to know why I’m here?’ she’d whispered through tears, using her hand to wipe some away. She’d taken his hand and held it. It was sweaty from anger, but the way her delicate fingers pressed against his skin made him feel things.

‘You really want to know why I’ve stood by you this whole time?’ she’d asked, and he did. He really wanted to know.

‘Why I gave up our new house? The chance at kids? Why I won’t ever leave you for someone else? Do you _really need_ to hear me say it?’

Ben was closer to tears now, still he battled to hold them back. He felt like he shouldn’t, like he should somehow be stronger than that, but the sight of his wife in tears tore his heart wide open.

‘Yes. Please. Tell me’

Lifting his hand, she’d kissed his wedding band. The shiny white gold one she helped him pick out so they’d have a matching pair - the one that signified him as her husband - and the one that bound them together for life.

‘One, because I promised you on our wedding day I’d stand by you. Through good _and_ bad. And I get it, Ben. I do. This is bad. But it’s also not the end of the world. You could’ve _died_ that day and you didn’t. I thank God every day that you’re still here’

She pauses, sniffing and he wants to offer her a tissue but they’re on the fridge in the kitchen and even if he wanted to reach them, he couldn’t.

‘Through sickness and health. Until death do us part. You remember our vows?'

Of course he remembered. Their wedding day was the best day of their lives, he’d never forget.

‘And two’ The tears fell harder now, but she maintained eye contact. He wanted to look away. Wanted to end the hurt. Wanted her to stop being so stubborn and-

‘Because you’re my husband. Ben. The love of my life. My other half. And I love you’

She paused now, sniffing and swallowing. ‘Do you get that? Do you hear what I’m saying? I _love_ you’ she’d repeated. ‘And I don’t want to be with anyone else. _Ever_ ’

He got it.

He understood.

He’d put himself in her place and wondered how _he’d_ feel and he knew.

He’d never leave her either. He loved her far too much.

‘I only ever want _you,_ you goose. I don’t want anyone else. And you can push me away all you like, but I’ll still be here. I’ll always be here’

He’d tried to make her leave - tried to hurt her enough to get her to see the other side, the other opportunities out there - but it was clear now where she stood.

Rey wasn’t going anywhere.

And deep down he couldn’t have been more grateful.

They’d fallen into a new type of love that day, a love that would stand the test of time.

And the tears fell for real after that, right down his face and yet she was right there. He’d felt her arms around his shoulders, and she’d smelt so _good._

He’d buried his head against her while he let it all out. All the hurt, the anger, the frustration. The months of feeling like a failure - like he’d never again be good enough.

Everything he’d been holding in for so long, it was all out there now.

And he knew from that moment on, it’d all be ok.

~~~

  
( **the present** )

Ben shakes himself from the memories, glad that’s all in the past.

His wife now lies beside him. She’s just waking up, but he’s been awake for over an hour.

It’s a crisp, clear morning and their 3rd wedding anniversary, sun beaming through the blinds to illuminate the room.

Sighing into the nothingness, he’s just happy to be alive when he feels her stir beside him. Looking over to see her eyes open, he feels her hand on his bare chest.

He adores the way her fingers move across his skin, the way a finger lingers just near a nipple. He’d happily stay in bed all day every day with this woman.

‘Morning sweetheart’ He leans over to kiss her head and she smiles and sighs softly. ‘Happy anniversary’

‘Mm, morning. Happy anniversary’ she sighs, lifting his chin then leaning in as their lips meet.

Her kiss sparks him fully awake, igniting a fire inside him. They’ve had their intimacy issues in the months since the accident, so he knows just because he’s feeling horny doesn’t mean _she_ is.

But all the signs are there. The hand on his chest, the way she’s nuzzling his neck and the way she kisses his-

_Ah._

Right _there_.

It’s a sure-fire way to get him going these days, by kissing his ears and she’s doing just that. With certain areas desensitised, with no feeling below his waist, Ben has found other areas are heightened and everything above the waist feels extra good.

Personally he hates his ears, but he loves when she pays them attention.

Minutes later she’s straddling him carefully, pulling her tank top from her body to sling it to the floor, perky tits now directly in his view.

If there’s one thing he loves about her, and there’s a _lot_ of things he loves, it’s those tits. Two blessings from heaven, so small and supple, nipples so pink and taught and sensitive to his touch.

He seriously could talk about those all day if anyone cared to listen.

‘Wanna fool around?’ She really doesn’t need to ask him twice.

‘Was hoping you’d say that’

Their sex life looks different these days. Blow jobs are still his favourite thing and although they can still have sex, lately all she’s wanted is his cock in her mouth. And you certainly won’t hear him complaining.

He’s received maybe 9 blow jobs since the accident and although he hasn’t felt a thing, he’s still enjoyed every one.

Mostly because he loves watching her engulf him time and time again. The way her tongue laps at the head and swirls around the tip like it’s all new and it’s her first time.

Focusing on his pleasure centres and knowing what works for him and what doesn’t, Rey’s doing her very best to get him hard.

She’s always so patient and he’s thankful, the two of them having spent months working out what gets him going with his paralysis - what they can do and what they can’t - how long it takes to get him hard.

Nowadays they’ve managed to settle into a new routine that works for them both.

His nipples are definitely extra sensitive so she always pays them extra attention. She works his cock too, with her hand. Not that he can feel it, but she can.

Rey can feel him soft - and hard - she can still have him inside her and she’s grateful every day for small mercies. She’s not sure she’d cope if she couldn’t fuck her husband anymore.

And Ben’s extremely thankful, too. With his injury he can at least still get an erection, but it takes a lot longer and he can’t even feel it when he does. Thankfully though it’s enough that he can at least still penetrate his wife and she can at least feel it even if he can’t.

He can even orgasm but come is pretty much non-existent, his sperm so weak there’s little chance of them ever making a little human even if he could ejaculate.

They’ve talked about kids, explored their options, but they’ve decided to wait a few more years yet. Settle into life with a wheelchair first and worry about kids later once they’ve adjusted to their new life themselves.

Rey says she’s ok with all of that and he believes her.

And if she’s ok with it, then he’s ok with it.

Ben knows he doesn’t deserve this woman. The last few weeks he’s tried _so hard_ to push her away, yet she’s stayed right by his side through everything.

She’s his rock and he knows now there is no way he could get through this without her.

Sure his family has been great and some of his friends stuck around. Some were so traumatised about the accident they couldn’t bear to see him again after that and as much as he hated it, a part of him understood.

Still, it was no one’s fault. Just a tragic accident.

He hadn’t given up hope completely, though. No. He was on the good end of the scale as far as spinal injuries go. His was an incomplete SCI, so he was incredibly lucky. There was still hope.

And he was never going to let go of that hope.

One day he prayed he’d feel something below the waist again. Anything would do. He didn’t care how small, he just needed a glimmer.

The last time they attempted sex was embarrassingly disappointing if he’s honest. He’d managed a hard on for not even a minute and as much as Rey didn’t say she was disappointed, he could tell she was. And he didn’t blame her one bit.

But he’s keen to keep trying and thankfully she is, too.

For her he’d _always_ keep trying.

Rey pauses to make eye contact. ‘I don’t want sex’

Oh.

‘Later I do, though. For now I just want you in my mouth’

_Oh._

Blow jobs are the things he loves most and even if he can’t feel it, he can watch her.

Watch the way her head bobs up and down. He can hold her hair back while she takes him _so deep_ (not even gagging, his good girl), watch her cheeks hollow as she sucks-

He loves nothing more.

Rey doesn’t waste time either. Working her way down his body she tugs his briefs down over his hips then off.

Throwing them to the side, Ben props himself up on his elbows to watch.

He loves the way she’s so patient. It takes him a good few minutes to get an erection now, but she’s worked out just how to do it.

He smiles when she licks her lips in readiness, the way she swallows before she lowers her head and-

_Damn._

He _wishes_ he could still feel it. Remembers when he could and how good it was, but he tries to set that aside and enjoy what he can.

Blow jobs are for Rey now. Sex is for her too, but if that’s all he can give her then he’s happy with that.

Back in the day he’d close his eyes, lie back and enjoy the feel of her mouth, her tongue, her hollowed cheeks. These days though, about all he can do is watch and try to remember what it feels like.

He watches how she’s so gentle and still curious, even though she knows every inch of him by now. The way she gently works his foreskin back, tongue poking out to lick the slit and then-

His world turns on its head.

There’s a definite tingle there.

And if he’s not mistaken, he could feel her tongue.

It was only a tingle and dammit maybe his mind conjured it up, yet at the same time he’s _sure_ he didn’t imagine it.

The moment her tongue connected he _felt it_ and his lower half flinched.

Ben didn’t even know he _could_ flinch anymore.

Daring to glance up he looks right at Rey, her head popped up from between his legs like a meerkat on guard.

She’s paused, pulled back, hands now resting on his legs behind her. Her eyes are wide, mouth open, her expression one of awe and only then he knows he didn’t imagine it.

She’d felt it, too.

He swallows. ‘Why…why did you stop?

He’s too scared to even mention the possibility of movement, of sensation, suddenly afraid it’s all a dream and any moment now he’ll wake up.

‘I thought..Are you ok?’

‘Yeah, why?’ he sits up higher, propping himself on his hands.

He needs her to say it, needs her to let him know if she saw the same movement he did or if he'd imagined it.

‘You felt that, right?’ she asks.

Say it.

Please God, say it.

‘You flinched, Ben! I saw you move when I…’

He can’t believe this is really happening.

‘I felt...something. Not sure what exactly, but I definitely felt something’

‘I saw it’ She’s smiling now, so soft and so proud. ‘You flinched, baby. You actually moved when I licked you there’

She’s afraid to put more of a voice to her feelings, petrified it might not turn out to be what she’d prayed so long for. It could just be a one off. ‘Does that mean…?’

‘I don’t know. I really don’t. But I wouldn’t get too excited’

‘You’re right, sorry’

‘Don’t be sorry’ He pulls her up and she scrambles to be close to him, the two of them too scared to hope it might be the start of something good. ‘They said I may get some feeling back at some stage, but it might only be temporary’

‘You’re right. We shouldn’t get our hopes up. But it’s kinda hard not to’

She’s right. He wants to jump up and down and celebrate but yeah, he can’t.

There’s a few moments of silence between them, just two hearts pounding profusely, but Ben doesn’t want to ruin the morning with dreams of what might be. He wants to get back to what they were doing.

It’s their anniversary after all.

‘I’m sorry I stopped’

‘No, don’t be. I’m glad you did, because that means you felt it too. I thought I was going crazy imagining it’

Rey sits up and the sight of her bare torso has Ben right back to wanting her.

‘But seeing as we’ve stopped now, wanna 69?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah. I wanna eat you out’

‘Well, ok’ she smiles. ‘It _is_ our anniversary, after all’

‘Yes it is’ He tucks a hand under her chin, pulling her closer. ‘And I want my wife to sit on my face’ he grins, and she blushes. ‘Happy anniversary to me’

‘Well then. How can I possibly deny my husband what he wants?’

‘You can’t’ he teases as she straddles him again, backing her ass up with that gleeful grin. ‘It’s in the marriage contract’

‘I must’ve missed that bit, but I’m more than happy to- _ohhh_ ’

‘That’s right, sweetheart’ Ben grins, tongue entering her most private place. He adores the way she tastes. The way she opens up and the musky taste she leaves on his tongue. He can never get enough.

‘Shit’ she sighs. ‘Feels so good. It’s been ages since we-'

She trails off, unable to finish the sentence with Ben’s tongue deep in her cunt. How’s a woman supposed to form a coherent sentence when he’s doing _that?_

‘You like that, don't you baby girl? You're so wet, too. Look at this, all for me’

He licks a long stripe right up her core, flicking her clit with his tongue and pressing firmly against it with the pad of his tongue, stretching his neck to get right up in there.

‘ _Mm_. O _h yeah. Oh Ben_ ’

Continuing his onslaught, he feels the moment her mouth descends on him, this time screwing his eyes shut to try and keep himself from moving.

It’s the second time he’s had feeling below the waist this morning, but he tries to push it out of his mind to focus on Rey.

He loves her so much he doesn’t want to stop this, what they’re doing right now, the way they share their joint pleasure. He owes her at least that much to make up for all the shit he’s put her through.

He may not be able to come, but he can't wait for her to.

If feeling is beginning to return for real then life could be about to drastically change yet again.

If not - if it’s just a fleeting moment of new sensation - then he’ll savour every second of it for as long as he possibly can.

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of the time random prompts just pop into my head and sometimes I write a one shot to get rid of them so 💁  
> Hope you enjoyed this one? You know the drill 💜 Xxx


End file.
